The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I like stuff, i really like stuff. Got a crappy old desk that i needed to disinfect thanks to the condition the last owner kept it in but its new to me and will do until emplyment is regular....wait, you dont know do you....I'm employed now YAY. Homecare Support Worker. That's right, i'll be helping people who need help.

Anyways. Gots a few other things like shelving units, a table and two chairs....missing the seats since their cheap and werent even put together. somehow the seats went missing. oh well, ill figure soemthing out untill i can buy new stuff that will be all mine hehehehahahaha.

Things are looking up. Everythings starting to really look good. I think ....*gasp*..im happy!...Oh God No! Anything but that !!!!.

I've got stuff..hehe

Im such a consumer whore hehe...

Yesterday i received news that my appointment for a CT scan to see if anything was PHYSICALY wrong with my brain matter is scheduled for this thursday, so yeah, that would be tomorrow.

Funny really, i was told that i would likely be waiting several months. It's only been six days.

And now i'm sitting here, hoping theres nothing there. But hoping theres something there. Strange but true. If theres nothing there great. No aneurysm, blood clot, tumor or anything else would definately be a relief. But then that means the migraines i've lived with since i was five are caused by something else. Back to the beginning.

Bah.

In other news my new apartment is shaping up slowly. Not much but a coffee table, a bed, dishes, pots/pans, an old table and desk that i am loath to even use, their that ratty.

That's what i get for moving back with only two bags of clothes and stuff. Soon i hope i'll start getting better furniture...maybe even a kitchen table set!...ooooh...that would be nice.....*Stares off dreaming of random objects...*

Well, i returned from a nice easter dinner with my good friend scardpheonix last night to find i had recieved a call from my baconqueen.

I was instantly worried when i spotted an msn message from her.

Naturaly i called. though it was just after midnight in Victoria.

We talked. We actually talked. I feel better knowing she's doing okay. Not necessarily good mind you just better.

I love her so much i just can't get her out of my head. I don't think i ever will.

Am i being an idiot for just giving up?.

I keep asking myself if she's my other half...

Do soulmates truly exist. Maybe. The tricky part about that question is i always thought i knew. It was too depresing to think it wasn't possible.

Is my fate tied to her?.

Are we destined to be together?.

Should i stop for one moment and actually think about what i would be giving up if i walk away entirely?.

I think i already did. I don't like the answers.

We have our problems.

I once explained it as follows.

"Babe, when were good together we are good. When were bad. People run in fear".

Okay, it was similar.

A few people who i've talked to are adamant that i just give up entirely. For various reasons.

I'm not sure i can do that. I feel so naked and alone without having her around. Giving everything up just seems so empty. I can't think straight with her around and i feel so empty without her.

I just don't know.

I do know that i want a smoke however. Then i'll enjoy some Kraft Diner.

So i should have been realistic. Long distance relationships rarely work. Add in already unresolved existing problems to the equation and we get a volitile mixture called 'ConfusionangerneuroticidontknowwhattothinkorfeelanymoreIA' It's a rather common chemical used in some countries who cannot afford their own nuclear arsenal.

Simply put. I ended a two year relationship tonight. Not giving details or reasons. Just felt like putting it down somewhere and since all of three people read this or have anyways. I figured why not here.

Shitty feelinginside me belly...an ulcer?...nay...just the greasy french fries i ate earlier. And a sence of complete loathing.

Meh. That's life. I'll be absolfuckinglutely miserable for a bit. Can't be helped.

I shall become a workingalcoholic...the solution for all of life's problems.

Or maybe i'll eat nothing but cheese whiz and bon bons...pull the Eat my troubles away...no...won't work either. Guess i'll just suck it up and deal...so where's the black jack table?...Anyone?.

Well, i went for my interview today for the best job opportunity i have ever had and i think it went well, just pulled out the good ole charm and humor and my nervousness nearly melted away. Granted it's more like a defence reaction to extreme situations.

the individual who performed the interview tole to expect a call within two weeks...my spleen is crossed in hope.

Well, much to say yet the words to do so escape me.

Events back in victoria took a downward spiral soon after returning from edmonton. Life in general began to stagnate. Work became almost unbearable with the migraines kicking in on a regular basis, funny though, i missed maybe a efw days out of an entire month because of them. The pain finaly subsided a few days after i quit.

Now, the reason for quiting is complicated. My life needed change. The change presented itself in the form of a really good oportunity here in Edmonton one i truly couldn't pass over. I love Victoria and i do plan on moving back unfortunately the last two years there contributed greatly to my current financial problems. Thus i moved back to the prairies.

Events with my queen are troubled. I love her dearly but things have changed. I am reluctant to go into details. Privacy and such. Needless to say i fear the worst for us. I needed to do this. I've never done the long distance relationship before. Scary as hell i say.

Ranting, Rambling i'll shut up now.